My Baby (Babies?)

Easter this year falls right around when I would have been due with Baby #2. Last summer, we had an early miscarriage. I got two positive pregnancy tests, and then nothing. I know it was very early on, but I felt a connection with that baby. I had morning sickness. I had a newborn sleeper in my bedroom because it made me happy. And then, nothing. As I approach my would-be due date, I am a little sad. I have felt like because it was so early, I didn't have a right to grieve. But here is what I think...

I am pro-life. I believe life begins at conception. I believe that was not a "chemical pregnancy," but a little soul who is now with Jesus. I do miss my baby, but I am so thankful that I got to be his/her mommy for just a little while. I am thankful to God that He chose me to carry that precious little life, even for just a short time. His/her life was not in vain. It has caused me to trust God, to abide in His peace and feel His comfort. It has made me want to become more active in standing against abortion and many forms of birth control because that baby was very real, not an embryo.

Since last summer, we have had what we think were two more early miscarriages. My doctor says there is no way of knowing for sure if I were really pregnant or not. I felt pregnant. I don't know what's going on there, but if those were pregnancies, I would be thankful. I can't wait to get to heaven and find out.

So yes, I am sad, and I am acknowledging that what I had was a real child, whom I loved. I am thankful for that.

This hymn has comforted me...

1. You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst.

You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way.

You shall speak your words in foreign lands and all will understand.

You shall see the face of God and live.

Be not afraid.

I go before you always.

Come follow me, and

I will give you rest.

2. If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown.

If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed.

If you stand before the pow'r of hell and death is at your side, know that

I am with you through it all.

3. Blessed are your poor, for the kingdom shall be theirs.

Blest are you that weep and mourn, for one day you shall laugh.

And if wicked men insult and hate you all because of me, blessed, blessed are you!

- John Michael Talbot