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Clara and I visited a friend of mine this morning. She had her first baby a couple of weeks ago and is dealing with some anxiety issues slightly similar to what I went through. Having gone through PPD, I think I'm a little more paranoid whenever anyone has a new baby. I hate to think that anyone would have to go through what I went through.

The visual of where I used to be and how totally different my life is than it was after Clara was born made me feel so thankful. We were talking about what a huge life change having a baby is, how sometimes you miss the way things used to be, and then you feel guilty for feeling that way. It was weird because I remember those feelings so strongly, but I don't really feel that way anymore. Sure, there are hard days, but our new normal really is normal now, not new anymore.

I love our quiet evenings at home after Clara goes to bed, just hanging out. I need that now. Occasionally, we go out at night and come home when it's dark out, and it feels so weird to be out when it's dark.

People often feel bad for me and ask how I do it when they find out that I don't have a car during the day and Clara and I are home most of the time. I really don't know how to answer that. I love being home. It's where I am most comfortable, where I function best. As much as I love when my mom is out of town and she lets me borrow her car so Clara and I can run errands, I still come home right at nap time and never stay out all day. I just don't want to.

When Clara was first born, being home all day felt like a necessity - I was terrified to leave the house with her. When her schedule got a little more predictable, it was nice to get out of the house. Now, being home is peaceful. I don't feel trapped like I used to...this is my life here, and I love it.

I'm so thankful for the many changes in my life that were brought about by having a baby, and even going through PPD. I am so grateful.